My daughter told me to warn you this post is LOOOOOONG! Read at your own risk!

School supplies, backpacks and tennis shoes are purchased and our kids know who their teacher will be, so now the waiting begins.  School begins on Thursday.  The child heading into 4th grade says she can’t wait to see her friends and can’t wait for homework. (Sounds like her mommy at that age, LOL!)  Our youngest will be in Kindergarten. He is extremely excited, mostly because he gets to go to a big school, sit in a real classroom and make friends with kids his own age.

Our kindergartener is the one who has been fighting leukemia for the past year and a half.  He is the one momma bear has been trying extra hard to protect as he endures cancer treatment.  I’ve had many people ask me if I am ready for him to go to school.  I always feel awkward when I answer that question because I figure most expect a different answer from me.  My answer is, “Yes, I am ready for him to go to school.”  But, my answer comes from a different reason than many would assume.  Our cancer journey has been a huge learning experience for me.  I’ve grown a lot and formed a different perspective on many of issues.

5 Reasons Why I’m Ready for my Cancer Child to Start School:

1. When he was diagnosed in March of 2014, many of our hopes and dreams for him were placed on hold.  Within 60 seconds from diagnosis, my mind literally went from thinking, “I can’t wait to watch him play on his first little league team” to “I hope we get the chance to watch him play on his first little league team.”
2. My son missed out on most of his preschool days due to fighting for his life over the past 17 months.  Before his diagnosis, I thought, “It’s my job as his mom to make sure he knows all of his numbers, letters, colors, shapes and can read at least a little bit before kindergarten”  After diagnosis and reading some of the possible side effects from the chemo and steroid drugs he receives, my thoughts quickly changed to, “We will do what we can to prepare for kindergarten, but right now we have bigger battles to fight.”
3. It has been hard for our very social child to not be around kids his own age. A big part of childhood leukemia treatment is actively keeping our son away from germs, especially when his blood counts are low due to chemo.  At this point in his treatment, his blood counts are lower than a healthy person, but not as low as when he first started this process.  We still take MANY extra precautions to help keep him free from illness.   After witnessing first hand what he has been through over the past 17 months, I am beyond happy to see him move on to another stage in his life.  Many things were put on hold for him last year that most 5 year olds get to experience.  It didn’t seem fair that his year before starting kindergarten was spent on and off steroids which cause him severe mood swings and/or sitting in hospitals, attached to an IV pole by a 1″ needle poked into his chest.  I am thankful he has the ability to move on with something more fun this year!
4. Our cancer journey forced us to create a new normal for our family,  although not so normal to everyone else’s normal.  At first, the many changes to our everyday life were hard to accept.  But, over time, we all adjusted.  Kindergarten offers our child a new and more exciting normal than he is used to.   It will be a much better way of life for him than sitting at home with mom everyday or in a waiting room at a hospital.  Instead of learning about what foods he can/can’t eat when his blood counts are low, what his blood counts are when he has to wear a hospital mask or what his temperature is when he has to be admitted in the hospital, he will spend the day learning about things other 6 year olds are learning.  He will make friends and get to run and play at recess!
5. Beginning kindergarten is allowing him a sense of freedom to feel like a big kid.  Although the events he has experienced since his diagnosis have forced him to grow up and deal with stresses no child should ever have to endure, most of the last year has been out of his control.  He’s been given choices when there’s a choice to be made, but for the most part he’s been forced to do what needs to be done.  “Do this, do that. Swallow this medicine at this time. Wash your hands. Keep your fingers out of your mouth, nose and eyes.  Wash your hands.  Go to this appointment.  Wash your hands.  You don’t get to eat anything until after your spinal tap (which could be 2pm or later) Eat this, don’t eat that.  Be nice to your doctor–she is just trying to help you get better.”  This list goes on and on.  He realizes some things are just non-negotiable, but I am thankful he gets the opportunity to spread his wings a little this year.

Yes, he is our youngest, my baby.  Yes, he is still undergoing chemo treatment for another 60 weeks.  Yes, it is hard to let him out of my sight after spending so much time trying to protect him over this journey.  Yes, it is hard to trust others with my child when I’m not present.  If I was the same person I was a year and a half ago, I would sit and dwell on every little detail, I would be consumed with worry and miss out on all the joy surrounding his first year of school!

Instead, I am at peace.  I am excited for him.  I am thankful.  I can’t say I’ll never worry again because that would be a lie.  But, I have and will continue to cover him and his teachers in prayer daily and ask God to give me peace and wisdom that only He can give.

I realize not everyone believes the way I do, but I wanted to share the reason for my peace.  It stems from the many months of learning and practicing to Be Still and Trust God for who He says He is.  God’s word is filled with encouragement and peace that has comforted me over and over throughout this journey.  Here are some I cling to:

1. Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen…Hebrews 11:1
2. Cast all your anxiety…1 Peter 5:7
3. Do not be afraid…Isaiah 41:10
4. Don’t worry about tomorrow…Matthew 6:34
5. Be still and know…Psalm 46:10
6. God goes before you and with you…Deuteronomy 31:8
7. The Lord will fight for you; you need only be still…Exodus 14:14
8. Trust in the Lord with all your heart; lean not on your own understanding…Proverbs 3:5
9. Peace is what I leave with you…John 14:27
10. For God has not given us a spirit of fear…Timothy 1:7
11. Do not be anxious about anything…Philippians 4:6-7
12. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.  2 Corinthians 4:18

I hope you always find encouragement when you read this blog.  We all have battles to fight and can always use a pick-me-up!  Feel free to comment on your favorite verses that bring you peace in the midst of a storm.