In March 2014, my 5 year old son was diagnosed with leukemia.  After one simple blood test, our family became a cancer family.  I became a cancer mom.  Within 24 hours of his diagnosis, he was flown to St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital in Memphis, TN, to begin treatment and our family was thrown into a completely new environment.  For 6 1/2 weeks, we lived in Memphis, TN, away from all of our normal comforts of home, away from friends and family and away from all activities that normally consumed our day.

I always used to be a glass half empty person.  My motto used to be: “Expect and prepare for the worst, so you’re pleasantly surprised when a situation turns out good.”  I don’t know how this type of thinking started, but it probably stemmed from me always being a worry-wart.

Throughout this cancer journey, I’ve learned it is impossible to prepare for everything bad that can happen.   Focusing on the “what-ifs” is the best prescription for stealing all the joy out of my life.  All my years of worrying and preparing for the worst got me nowhere.  My son still got cancer.  How much joy and sleep did I lose from worrying about all the things that could have happened and didn’t?  The only answer to that question is, “Too Much.”

During our first lengthy stay in Memphis, I finally came to the conclusion that so much of our lives are out of our control.  Yes, we might think we can control everything, but we can’t.  Try hearing a doctor tell you your son has cancer and he needs to begin chemotherapy immediately.  After the initial thought of, “How did this happen?” You then begin to think, “How can we fix it?”  Well, my friends, as with many things in life, there comes a point where we can’t fix it.  We have to Be Still, Let Go and Trust God.

Letting go and trusting someone else is a hard concept to grasp.  We’ve had to leave our son in the hands of medical staff time and again and we’ve had to trust they know what they are doing and will take care of him.  After all, who could love your child more than you?  Who has your child and your family’s best interest at heart?  Who can see the bigger picture?

Throughout this journey, I’ve found myself living in a state of thankfulness.  When I look at a situation now, I tend to see what I should be thankful for, as well as what I think God is trying to communicate to me through the process.  I wouldn’t wish this type of journey on anyone and wouldn’t choose to go through it again, but I can say I am grateful for the journey because it has taught me so much about my perspective on life.

My hope and prayer is that others will be blessed as much as I have been by the lessons and perspectives I feel God wanted to teach me along the way.