How many of us have said, “That’s the worst…” or “There’s nothing worse than…”, when speaking about a situation?  I’ve been guilty of this many times over my life.  However, over the past year, I’ve become very uncomfortable about using the phrase.

In the day and age we live in, where so much of our lives is broadcast on social media, I want to suggest that saying something is “the worst” can stir up feelings of anger, bitterness, jealousy and resentment in others who read it.  I realize this probably isn’t the intent of the person who makes the post, so here’s my logic:

Both of my children have had their share of ear infections over the years.  Six years ago, I would have probably said, “There is nothing worse than an infant with an ear infection”.  Four years ago, I would have probably said,  “Kindergarten shots are the worst!”   Two years ago, I would have probably said, “Having a 4 year old with a broken arm is the worst!”  On March 15, 2014, I would have probably said, “There is nothing worse than having a child diagnosed with leukemia.”

After the lengthy time we spent at St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital in Memphis, TN, last year, I cannot bring myself to say any of our situation is “the worst”.  Yes, it has been really rough.  It is horribly gut-wrenching for a mother and father with the help of two other nurses to have to pin your child down while they try for the 2nd, 3rd & 4th time to get an IV going as soon as the cancer diagnosis is received.  I will never forget the tears in my son’s eyes and the helpless look on his face the FIRST time that happened.  Sitting in a hospital room, watching as a nurse hooks up the first of many rounds of chemo to your son’s port, then waiting, hoping and praying there aren’t any bad side effects to the chemo also ranks up there with “the worst” in my book because in both cases, there was absolutely nothing I could do for him.

Our family has experienced many “the worst” moments along our cancer journey–many I’d like to just forget because they fill me with sadness and anxiety.  But, I still can’t bring myself to say it’s “the worst” because of other’s situations we’ve witnessed over the past 15 months.  They aren’t all cancer related, but my friends, I can tell you there is a WHOLE LOT worse.  I know this is why my focus quickly shifted from “This is the worst” to “It sure isn’t fun, but we are thankful it isn’t any worse.”  I also know this change in focus is what has helped me from slipping into the “Woe is Me” mentality and staying there for good.

As I mentioned,  I’ve used “the worst” phrase many times in my life without giving a second thought to how it might come across to someone else.  I know it’s just something we say when we are struggling because the truth of it is, none of us want to struggle or be uncomfortable.  When it’s posted on social media, I think it is important to remember to be mindful about using the phrase because there are hundreds of others reading it.  Hundreds who are dealing with their own problems whether they post about it on Facebook or not.  I am confident  that many are probably wishing their only issue was that they got a sunburn on a their latest tropical vacation (because you know, sunburns are “the worst”) 😊 or wishing the only issue their precious child was battling with was an ear infection.   No matter how big or small someone’s trial is, we should really try to refrain from comparing it to our own trials.  Comparing is just a recipe for anger, jealousy and resentment to present their ugly heads.  After all, until we’ve walked in that person’s shoes, we will never truly understand.

Like I said, “the worst” phrase has almost been completely deleted from my vocabulary because of what we’ve witnessed–I just can’t hardly bring myself to say it.  So many children and their families are hurting and in need of cures and prayers.  So many families are mourning the loss of a family member.  So many women are hurting and just want to have a baby of their own.  So many couples walking through health, marital or financial issues.  I’m sure many would agree our world needs more love and compassion and less judgment and comparison.

One final thought:  If you aren’t at a point where you can be thankful for your journey,  just try to be thankful it’s not worse.  I know this shift in focus helped me.  I hope it will help someone else, too.

“Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” 1 Thessalonians 5:18